So Cruel
by NettieC
Summary: Set amongst the chaos of the Adrift episodes, this one is from Mic Brumby's perspective.  Whether you liked him or not and I didn't the man did do it rough.  This was written as a tribute to Trevor Goddard 19622003.


**Author's Note: Set amongst the chaos of the Adrift episodes, this is from Mic Brumby's point of view. It in NO way means that I liked him, just want to make that clear.**

**The characters and song isn't mine, just playing. **

_Inspired by U2"s "So Cruel" after Trevor Goddard's death._

It had been a week since the wedding was to have taken place and instead of a ring on her finger, Mic had an aching in his heart. He was trying his best to reschedule events so he could marry the love of his life, but she was throwing obstacles and barriers at him.

Sitting in Mac's office, the reality hit him – she didn't want to marry him. Mic had always suspected things may end this way if ever she had been forced to choose between him and Rabb. Although he had tried to think otherwise, in his heart of hearts he knew he would lose the challenge.

When he came to this realisation, Mic stood, bade farewell and left. He didn't want a public altercation with her, that didn't become them. He didn't want to exchange harsh words, he still loved her, and nothing would change that. He simply walked out.

Mic stood in the hallway waiting impatiently for the elevator and, as the door opened, he was joined by Bud.

"How are you today, Mic?" Bud asked as they stepped inside.

"It could be better, Bud," Mic replied forlornly.

"Anything I can help you with?" Bud asked brightly.

"Can you change the events of the last week and keep Rabb on that carrier?"

"Sorry Mic, I don't think that's possible."

"Bloody Rabb. He's the reason for this mess." Mic was not happy.

"Mic, I don't think the Commander ditched his plane in an effort to postpone the wedding," Bud tried to explain.

"I wouldn't put it past him. He never wanted Sarah and I together, this suits him perfectly." Mic's tone was bitter.

"I'll tell you what, when you reschedule the wedding, I'll chaperone the Commander and make sure he stays safe." Bud tried to placate him.

There was a crunching of brakes and the elevator lurched to a sudden and unscheduled stop. The interior lights flickered several times before going out. It took several moments before the emergency lights kicked in. The men looked at each other.

"What was that?" Bud asked the obvious question.

Mic repeatedly hit the dimly lit control panel but nothing prompted the elevator to return to its normal routine. Mic then pressed the intercom button and gave the details to the woman at the other end. In return, she told him to stay put and she'd see what she could arrange.

"Stay put," Mic screamed into the speaker, "Where in the hell do you think I'd be going?"

"Sir, please stay calm. All I meant…" Bud cut off the remainder of the sentence.

"Take it easy, Mic. It's just an expression she didn't mean anything by it. Bud then pushed the button and waited for the operator. "If you can just let us know how long we can expect to be in here, we'd appreciate it greatly."

"I'll get right back to you, Sir."

Mic leant against the wall and hit his head off the panel several times. Bud watched on with concern.

"Mic, after everything that has happened this week, getting stuck in the elevator is a minor inconvenience. We'll be out soon and everything will be fine."

"No, it won't Bud. Sarah and I are over."

"Over?" Bud was confused, "Over for now, don't you mean?"

"No, over as in …yibbida, yibbida, that's all folks."

"But…"

"Sarah doesn't want to marry me, probably never did."

"The Colonel loves you, Mic."

"Yeah, loves me but I'm _in_ love with her. Who do you think she's _in_ love with, Bud?"

"Well…you," Bud stammered.

"Think again. The Commander's little dip into the sea clarified a few thoughts and feelings. It's as plain as day to see who she's in love with."

Mic sank down and sat on the floor. Bud joined him but said nothing, he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't add to Mic's pain. A voice called out from the intercom disturbing the silence.

"Hello, anyone there?"

Bud jumped up and pressed the button. "We're still here. How long is this going to take?"

"Sir, our technicians are there. They have had a look and they think they'll have you out within the hour."

"An hour? Okay."

"Sir, is everything fine in there?"

"Yes, we're both fine. Just hurry up and get us out."

"We'll do our best, Sir."

It took an hour and ten minutes before the elevator returned to service and Bud had never been as glad as when the doors finally opened. Being stuck in an elevator had its advantages, depending upon whom you were trapped with but being with Mic was a distinct disadvantage. Nothing Bud said could improve Mic's mood. Everything he said was misconstrued or misunderstood; as far as Mic was concerned Harm was Public Enemy Number One. Bud had tried to point out, in defence of Harm, it was the Colonel who he was marrying and not the Commander and the problems were theirs and not Harm's. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Bud regretted it.

The doors slid open and the men were greeted by a host of familiar faces. Harriet rushed forward and kissed Bud on the cheek. The Admiral patted him on the back. Mac approached them but Mic just walked past her, it was as if they had never met. Mac looked at Bud.

"Bud, what happened in there?"

"Nothing, Ma'am."

"Nothing? Mic looks like he just lost his best friend."

"He did, Ma'am, you."

Bud didn't want to have this conversation and certainly not in front of everyone else, but Mac pushed.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the wedding being cancelled, he …" Bud started.

"Cancelled? We're postponing it." Mac exclaimed.

"Not according to Mic, Ma'am."

Mic had been at his apartment packing his few remaining items and making arrangements with the cargo company to ship his belongings back home to Australia. He shook his head as he hung up the phone. His life had been reduced to a few boxes, which were, up until that morning, supposed to be taken across town, not across the world.

The silence in the apartment was almost deafening, absently he went to turn on the stereo before remembering it too had been packed. As if on cue, Mic's neighbour turned on his stereo and began to play U2 very loudly. Normally, Mic would object but today it was a welcome relief. He sat on a box and stared out the window. He looked at nothing in particular but stared intently, nonetheless.

The song changed and he could hear Bono's voice fill the room,

_We crossed the line. Who pushed who over?  
It doesn't matter to you, it matters to me_

_We're cut adrift but still floating  
I'm only hanging on to watch you go down...my love_

_I disappeared in you. You disappeared from me  
I gave you everything you ever wanted. It wasn't what you wanted_

_The men who love you, you hate the most. They pass through you like a ghost  
They look for you but your spirit is in the air. Baby...you're nowhere_

_You say in love there are no rules  
Sweetheart  
You're so cruel_

_Desperation is a tender trap. It gets you every time  
You put your lips to her lips to stop the lie_

_Her skin is pale like god's only dove. Screams like an angel for your love  
Then she makes you watch her from above and you need her like a drug_

_You say in love there are no rules  
Sweetheart  
You're so cruel_

_She wears my love like a see-through dress  
Her lips say one thing. Her movements something else  
Oh love like a screaming flower. Love. Dying every hour_

_And you don't know if it's fear or desire. Danger of a drug that takes you higher?  
Head of heaven. Fingers in the mire. Her heart is racing... you can't keep up  
_

_The night is bleeding like a cut between the horses of love and lust  
In a trampled underfoot_

_You say in love there are no rules  
Sweetheart  
You're so cruel_

_To stay with you I'd be a fool  
Sweetheart  
You're so cruel._

As he listened to the lyrics, images of his beloved Sarah flashed through his mind. He saw the smile that had captivated him on the day they had met – even though it wasn't under the best of circumstances. He saw them sitting down to eat on their first date. He saw all the good times and smiled at the memories. But as the song went on, he also had visions of Harm and the smile disappeared.

Mac had never denied she loved Harm but then again, Mic had never actually asked. He and Renee had thought the military policy of Don't Ask – Don't Tell should apply here. He decided he would ask – it would be the last chance to resurrect their relationship or the final nail in the coffin. He knew it had to be one way or the other. Sarah meant the world to him. He had given her everything he could. He had given so much of himself, his career, his country and she said she loved him and she had said she'd marry him, but …

The music blared.

_You say in love there are no rules  
Sweetheart  
You're so cruel_

The words echoed long after the song had finished.

The sharp knock on the door broke the echoing words and Mic opened it. Mac stood before him. He gave no greeting and extended no hospitality. "Mic, can I come in?" she asked quietly.

"If you want." Mic stepped aside and let her pass. Instantly she saw the near empty apartment.

"Bud tells me the wedding has been cancelled."

"Yeah." Mic stared at the boxes.

"Don't you think it would have been better if I knew before Bud?" Mac asked, trying to establish eye contact.

"You already knew," Mic said bitterly.

"No, as far as I was concerned we had postponed it." Her voice rising.

"You don't want to marry me, Sarah. Why postpone it?"

"Who said I don't?"

"I did. It's been so obvious. I tried all along to deny it but I just can't do it anymore." Mic sounded defeated.

"What's obvious? What are you denying?" Mac was stunned.

"Your feelings. Your love."

"Mic, I love you." She sounded more adamant than she felt.

"Yeah, I know you do, Sarah, but I'm _in_ love with you." Mic said.

"I'm in…"

"Don't finish it. I wouldn't believe it. If you were honest enough with yourself, let alone me, you would probably acknowledge that you're not in love with me. Maybe you're in love with getting married or maybe you're in love with having someone or in love with whatever. You can love lots of people but you can only be _in_ love with one person at a time. I don't think I'm it, am I?" Mic was surprised at his own lack of animosity. He hated her for what had happened. He hated Rabb just because he did. And yet as the words spilled from him the bitterness faded.

Mac was overwhelmed by the events of the day. "I don't believe you don't want to marry me." Was all she could muster.

"Sarah, I do want to marry you. I don't want to marry you and Rabb. It wouldn't work. Do you love him?" Mic had asked the big question and silently waited for the response. But she said nothing.

"Sarah, I said…"

"I heard you."

"Well."

"I do love him but I'm marrying you." She looked up at Mic.

"Why?"

"Mic, we've been through this. I love you. I want you in my life. Can't we work this out?"

"I think we both need to take some time out to do some serious soul searching. A marriage is hard enough without going into it with so many difficulties. I think some time apart will make things clearer."

There was a heavy and uncomfortable pause. Finally Mac said, "Mic, all things being equal, do you want me?"

"Sarah, yes I want you, but in my heart of hearts I can't see it happening."

"Why not?"

"I think you know the answer."

With little else to say, she moved to the door. She took a final look at the apartment. "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll sort something out." Her head was spinning. She knew he was right, you could only be in love with one person and, for her, it was Harm. As if on auto pilot she found herself standing in his doorway.

Mac had only been there a few minutes before they were interrupted by the ringing phone. Harm answered it and handed the receiver to her.

"Sarah, so much for soul searching, I knew you'd go straight to him." Mic stated.

"Mic, it's not like that." Mac replied but she knew it was exactly as it seemed.

"No, you say you love me but it's him you go to, isn't it?"

"Mic, I love you."

"Yeah, but you're _in_ love with him." Mic was more tired than bitter.

"No, I…"

"Face it, Sarah, you say one thing but your actions say another. You need to decide for yourself if you desire him more than me or if you are just running from commitment."

"Mic, it's not…" she protested.

"You say in love there are no rules, Sweetheart, you're so cruel."

"Mic, that's not fair."

"It's not?"

"How can you treat me this way?" Mac asked.

"Treat you? You have known all along that you were marrying me because I asked. All along you'd have rather it be Rabb than me." Mic's voice rising as he spoke.

"That's not true."

"It isn't?"

"No," stated Mac.

"When you were over here and knew the wedding had been cancelled, didn't you feel some sense of relief, honestly?"

"Mic..."

"Honestly? You don't have to admit it to me, just yourself. Did you feel a sense of relief?"

Mac took a deep breath. Everything he had said was right. She knew she was in love with Harm, she knew she was settling for Mic because having someone who cared about her was better than no one. She realised, in hindsight, her actions had indeed been cruel.

"Mic, I'm so sorry. You're right…" she started.

But Mic had hung up. He hadn't heard anything from "I'm". He didn't need to hear her confirm what he already knew - intentionally or not, she had been so cruel.

Mic returned to Australia to give them both some time and distance. His heart was shattered, sadly, he never recovered.


End file.
